Lets Make a Deal

I don’t like to complain so much but come on…. Why can’t I just have one disease at a time or at least only one active at a time. I’ve accepted that I have Crohns disease…after all I’ve been dealing with it for more than 20 years. I’ve almost accepted having breast cancer after all its only been three months (wow it has only been three months…it feels more like three years). So crohns (looking down at my belly), yes I’m talking to you. Could you please just back off till I get through the reconstruction and the chemo. Could you just sit back and let me put all my energy into growing new boobs and killing any stray cancer cells. Wouldn’t you rather hide from me while I’m bald and nauseous. You don’t need to keep reminding me that you were here first. You don’t need to be jealous…I will always like you better than cancer. You can relax and enjoy some time off. You’ve worked so hard all these years so how about taking a well deserved vacation. Better yet how about joining forces with me and fighting this cancer together. Instead of chewing on my intestine go gobble up any bad cells that are hanging around. Ya know if you would quit flaring my fistula I could have more energy to get through the cancer treatment. Just so you know the sooner I get through the cancer treatment the sooner it can be just you and me again. You could attack the cancer instead of me. You could be the crohninator, my very own Arnold. Tell the cancer “Hasta la vista, baby!” You could be Batman and I could be Robin. Come on, Crohns, to the Bat Cave! There's not a moment to lose! You can be Mario and I’ll be Luigi: Strap your belt on, kid. We're going in! Come on what do ya say??? Don’t make me come down there and kick your, well I guess it would be my ass!…PLEASE…I’m begging now!

Love, Laugh, and Always know where the nearest bathroom is

Not Your Average Patient

I went to see the oncologist Friday. She was very nice and I liked her very much. She is also very thorough; she spent a lot of time with me. After going through my entire medical history and examining me including abdomen and fistula (joy joy) she explained the treatment. Since I am not your average patient she will be watching me very closely. She is very concerned about how the treatment will affect my crohns and the fistula. She is going to work with my GI through the treatment. We may have to change my meds a bit. Since the chemo can cause inflammation she wants me to take steroids the day before, the day of, and the day after the treatments which will be every three weeks for 3 to 4 months. The fistula will be a challenge because in reality it is a chronic infection so we have to be very careful that it doesn’t flare and get worse. She wants me to be on an antibiotic during the treatment. She also thinks that she will need to watch my blood count and iron count even more than most patients due to the crohns and fistula. She wants me back on the B12 and depending on the results of my blood work possibly iron. I will probably have my treatments on Tuesdays because that is the only day of the week that she has office hours at the hospital that is closest to me. This way if there is a problem or I need to see her I can do it on the same day. I will probably start the treatments in two weeks. We have to get insurance approval and she wants me to have a PET scan first. Everything is going very quickly which is fine. I want to be feeling good by the spring baseball season. J and B are doing their winter workouts and conditioning and B is still in search of the right college to attend after graduation. Since I will be bald during the baseball season J’s coach gave me a redhawks knit cap to wear to the games. It will be perfect.

Love, Laugh, and Always know where the nearest bathroom is

The Angry/Why Me Place

The bowel saga continues…I went very quickly back to my version of normal and even quicker to the other extreme of major diarrhea. Fortunately that did not last long and I am back to my normal. Other than that the beast has been quiet. The fistula on the other hand flared right after I came home. Since then it has been draining a lot and goes from hurting really bad to hurting just a little and back to hurting really bad. Last night it was hurting really really bad. So bad that it sent me to that angry/why me place. Isn’t dealing with breast cancer enough? Why do I have to deal with this pain too? Or, I’ve been suffering with Crohns disease so long why do I have to go through breast cancer too. Since the surgery I spend a lot of time sitting because that’s about all I can do. That’s the only time I’m comfortable. Then the fistula flares and I’m not even comfortable sitting. Arrrrggggg! I wonder if the change in my bowels caused the flare? I guess it could be from all the sitting around? Whatever the cause I’ve had enough. Of course as angry as all this makes me I am very thankful that no other crohns related problem has reared its ugly head. I just want it ALL to feel better….please!!! Speaking of sitting around, I don’t usually have the TV on during the day and let me tell you I’m not missing anything. I can’t believe we have all these channels and I still can’t find anything good to watch. I’ve never been fond of game shows and I no longer watch soap operas. I say no longer because years ago when my kids were younger I watched a few soap operas but now I have no desire to watch them. I’m sure if I tuned in it would only take me a few days to feel like I picked up right where I left off lol. Of course with all that’s going on in my life I guess you could say I’m living my own little soap opera…Nahh. I’m also not really crazy about talk shows so unless there is a good movie on I’m more tempted to take a nap. Well actually there are all the reruns of old shows. I do like Everybody Loves Raymond. I could watch that all day. I’m starting to get my appetite back but I don’t have any cravings. It would be nice to crave something I would really enjoy eating. The one thing I always crave and always look forward to is a Starbucks Chai Latte. My sister and sister in law have been bringing me those as often as they can…yum. Well since there is not a Chai Latte on the way that nap is sounding pretty good.

Love, Laugh, and Always know where the nearest bathroom is
For updates on my Breast Cancer journey go to:
http://yourboobsoryourlife.blogspot.com/

Check That

Did I really say that I was happy to be only going to the bathroom once or twice a day? Did I really think what was happening was normal? Well if that was normal you can have it. I don’t know maybe my intestines just don’t remember what normal is like. Maybe after so many years my intestines just can’t handle being normal anymore. Maybe this just wasn’t really normal. Whatever it quickly made me very unhappy. It got to the point where I always felt like I had to go and so I would climb the stairs and try to go and NOTHING. Or I would go sit for 20 minutes and all I got out was this teeny tiny poop…”that’s it, that’s all? You felt like the rock of Gibraltar”. I got so tired of pushing out a little nothing that felt like a lot of something. If that is normal I don’t want any part of it. I don’t really think I can call it constipation. I don’t think going once or twice a day falls under the constipated heading. How do people who don’t go for days do it? I think it would kill me. I would just die right there on the toilet in the middle of the drop. (Not how I want to go out, not how I want to be remembered…poor girl she just pooped to death) I’ve always said that if I had to choose between diarrhea and constipation I would always pick diarrhea. I have always suspected that constipation was a horrible painful way to go so to speak and now I know I was right. Well silly me what was I thinking…after all I am always right :)

The good news is I’m back to my version of normal…its not ideal but it beats being that other version of normal...

Love, Laugh, and Always know where the nearest bathroom is
…and may it be a version that you love

For an update on my Breast Cancer journey go to:
http://yourboobsoryourlife.blogspot.com/