Please Read

The following blog posts are based solely on my personal experiences. I am not a Doctor, Nutrition specialist, Comedian, or Professional Baseball Player. If you have a health, nutrition, humor, or baseball issue please seek a PROFESSIONAL.

Favorite Bathrooms

  • Home Sweet Home
  • When I'm @ someones house: the one farthest away from the crowd
  • @ the Mall: Macy's (as public bathrooms go this one is very nice)
  • If I can't make it to Macy's...JC Penney's will have to do (they recently remodeled so it is better than it was. I don't know why they didn't ask for my input???)
  • Monterey Bay Fish Grotto in Monroeville has a great bathroom
  • Ponte Vedra Inn and Club, My fav place to vacation, their rooms have the most wonderful bathrooms

Helpful links

  • FREE Crohns Disease Support Network
  • Find a Toilet
  • Medical Alert Restroom Access Pass

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Lets Make a Deal

I don’t like to complain so much but come on…. Why can’t I just have one disease at a time or at least only one active at a time. I’ve accepted that I have Crohns disease…after all I’ve been dealing with it for more than 20 years. I’ve almost accepted having breast cancer after all its only been three months (wow it has only been three months…it feels more like three years). So crohns (looking down at my belly), yes I’m talking to you. Could you please just back off till I get through the reconstruction and the chemo. Could you just sit back and let me put all my energy into growing new boobs and killing any stray cancer cells. Wouldn’t you rather hide from me while I’m bald and nauseous. You don’t need to keep reminding me that you were here first. You don’t need to be jealous…I will always like you better than cancer. You can relax and enjoy some time off. You’ve worked so hard all these years so how about taking a well deserved vacation. Better yet how about joining forces with me and fighting this cancer together. Instead of chewing on my intestine go gobble up any bad cells that are hanging around. Ya know if you would quit flaring my fistula I could have more energy to get through the cancer treatment. Just so you know the sooner I get through the cancer treatment the sooner it can be just you and me again. You could attack the cancer instead of me. You could be the crohninator, my very own Arnold. Tell the cancer “Hasta la vista, baby!” You could be Batman and I could be Robin. Come on, Crohns, to the Bat Cave! There's not a moment to lose! You can be Mario and I’ll be Luigi: Strap your belt on, kid. We're going in! Come on what do ya say??? Don’t make me come down there and kick your, well I guess it would be my ass!…PLEASE…I’m begging now!

Love, Laugh, and Always know where the nearest bathroom is

1 comment:

Lindsey said...

man you are so strong. I wish I had half as much strength as you have. if you ever want to vent or anything let me know :) I hope all goes well for you and hey crohns back off!!! <3 <3