Please Read

The following blog posts are based solely on my personal experiences. I am not a Doctor, Nutrition specialist, Comedian, or Professional Baseball Player. If you have a health, nutrition, humor, or baseball issue please seek a PROFESSIONAL.

Favorite Bathrooms

  • Home Sweet Home
  • When I'm @ someones house: the one farthest away from the crowd
  • @ the Mall: Macy's (as public bathrooms go this one is very nice)
  • If I can't make it to Macy's...JC Penney's will have to do (they recently remodeled so it is better than it was. I don't know why they didn't ask for my input???)
  • Monterey Bay Fish Grotto in Monroeville has a great bathroom
  • Ponte Vedra Inn and Club, My fav place to vacation, their rooms have the most wonderful bathrooms

Helpful links

  • FREE Crohns Disease Support Network
  • Find a Toilet
  • Medical Alert Restroom Access Pass

Friday, January 29, 2010

Looking for the humor in everything…even Crohns Disease

Now all of you who know me know I love to laugh. I love humor of all kinds and I pride myself on finding humor in just about anything. You could almost say that laughing keeps me going. I do have to be careful though. I can be very sarcastic and will crack a joke to or at the expense of just about anyone, even myself. (Not to be hurtful, just to be funny.) This has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion. I don’t really have a very good sensitivity meter. If there is an opening for a cut up I take it. Most people are good sports and crack back at me and I love that. There is nothing better than a battle of wits. Especially when I win (wink, wink). You could say that I am a product of my environment. My entire family and most of my friends are just like me. We love to spar with each other. But then there are a few people who will look at me all hurt like I just killed their puppy. I have to stop and make a mental note…”Can’t have fun with this person, can’t be myself” (no offense to them of course. Maybe I’m really just not that funny…Nah it can’t be that hahaha). I had one women say to me (after I made what I thought was a very funny comment) “wow that’s kind of mean, what kind of movies have you been watching”. That story deserves its own blog post lol. Well back to my point… There are days that I can even laugh about my crohns disease. This just proves that I can make fun of myself and my situation. Again, I think it’s a family thing. You can be sure that no matter what the holiday or family function is we will end up laughing at ourselves and the conversation almost always leads to bathroom humor. I myself have many hysterical public bathroom stories. Let me just say that if there is a crazy person in the building they will ultimately follow me into the ladies room. I even have some good mens room stories!!! Ah another blog idea hahaha. So now let me just tell you what I did the other day. Some of you may think this funny, others – gross, and still others may question my insanity for even discussing it. But then again how can you blog about crohns without being funny, gross, and insane??? Lol One of the things on my recent “to do list” from my doctor was a stool c-diff. I purposely left it off my previous blog because I felt it deserved a blog of its very own. So a couple days ago when I went to have all the other blood work done she gave me my handy dandy poop kit. You know

the cute little “hat” to poop in

container with spoon to scoop in

and zip lock bag to deliver in.

So the next day I’m being the good little Crohns patient again but I’m looking at this stuff and I start laughing and thinking “REALLY!”. I mean come on we have put men on the moon and transplanted vital organs from one human being to another and you want ME to scoop my poop into a little jar and then deliver it to you so that you can test it??? Haven’t I been through enough embarrassment??? I want to know right now who is the sadistic bastard that comes up with all these horrible things that we crohnies have to do??? I can just picture him sitting at a nice big desk in a fancy shamancy office with his own private bathroom thinking of ways to torture us. Lets make them drink lots of really nasty stuff really fast and then x-ray them. Oh and don’t let them eat or drink anything past midnight the night before. Yes, yes, actually make them drink clear liquids the day before and have them drink toxic waste and gallons of water so that I don’t have to see any poop on the x-ray. Then in a few weeks we can have them do all that again but this time we’ll put the really gross stuff in the other end and then x-ray them. (Knock at the door) Dr. heres a package for you. I didn’t order this…what am I going to do with this long flexible tube…….I know….. Well its funny in a humiliating sort of way!

Love, laugh, and always know where the nearest bathroom is

1 comment:

kassandra said...

i keep thinking that added to the list of best bathroom criteria is good reading material