Oh NO Not Again

Scene: Doctors waiting room

Enter: Sweetpea and B

There again (or still there…not sure): Smelly perfume lady

Really…REALLY! We walk into the waiting room and immediately B and I look at each other and say OMG she is here. Sure enough there she is, sitting to our left, wearing her bottle of the worst smelling perfume ever. I go over to the window to sign B in and I lean in and tell the receptionist that I have a request. She asks what and I say, “Please tell the patients not to wear awful perfume”. She leans toward me and say’s, “Oh I know I’m getting a headache we have the sign up but they still wear it”. I said “It makes me want to…” and she finished “Throw up”. In addition to the smelly perfume lady we also had the crying baby with noisy toys…at least she was cute.

Well I went to my GI doc Monday just to touch base with him about EVERYTHING. The good news is my Crohns beast seems to be calm even with all the stress. He told me that if anything changes even a little bit to call right away and they will help me any way they can. We talked about all the tests I’ve had done and he ordered blood work to check several things including my liver levels. He wants to keep an eye on that now and especially through the chemo. He told me that he has other patients with Crohns who have gone through cancer treatments and they did not have any additional problems with their Crohns. I told him I would follow up with him after my surgery and after I see the oncologist. He gave me a big hug…he is so wonderful.

Okay ready for some chemo humor:

Top 10 Reasons That Chemo-Induced Baldness is Awesome

#10: Blonde jokes no longer apply to you.

#9: Increased aerodynamics. (important for runners, sky divers, human
projectiles)

#8: You can finally drive your convertible to work. (no more 'wind-tunnel'
hair-dos)

#7: You've got a blank canvas for new tattoos.

#6: You're now ready to audition for the Blue Man Group.

#5: Time to get a new driver's license...Hair Color: Invisible. (see how
that one goes over with the cop the next time you're pulled over)

#4: Think of the money you'll save...no more barber/hairdresser,
shampoo, hairspray, dandruff medication, hair dye, etc.

#3: Everyone knows that bald people make better lovers. (and if they
don't, perhaps it's time that you showed them)

#2: It distracts attention from your face. (alright, that was completely
uncalled for)

And the #1 reason that chemo-induced baldness is awesome:

Bald = Sexy (just look at Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel, Natalie Portman and Britney
Spears...ok, she's hot in a bald and crazy kind of way)

Love, Laugh, and Always know where the nearest bathroom is

Take her perfume…PLEASE!

I had to take B to the doctors last week:

Scene: Doctors waiting room where all crohnies can be found on any given day and today an old lady wearing an entire bottle of the worst smelling perfume ever.

Enter: Sweetpea (me, btw I already have a bad headache) and B



I immediately smell said awful perfume. It fills the room like a bug fogger. I sign B in and we take our seats. They are the only two seats together that are left in the room and they are way too close to smelly perfume lady. Mars would be to close. I’m not sure I can take it. I pull B towards me to try to block the smell. If I could I would bury my face in his armpit because I know it would smell a lot better but I would look even more ridiculous. I say even more because the entire time I am sitting there I have my hand up under my nose as if I am covering a cough…only I am not coughing. I continue to pull B towards me and inform him that I may have to hurl on his shoes. I am just about ready to go up to the window and say “Listen you need to either take her back to a room or us because I can’t stand the smell of her anymore”. Since I know that will get me no where I decide that I’m going to make a run for the hallway when the door opens and they call the woman’s name. I thought for sure her last name would be stinkbug. I was so glad to see her go until I realized she left the awful perfume smell behind. So I continue to sit with my hand under my nose looking around at the other people wondering how they can stand it. Finally they call for B and I almost knock him over as I run to the door. “Room 1” says the nurse. We rush in and I turn to the door as she is closing it “NOooooo this is the room she was in” B (who just happens to be sucking on a cherry lifesaver starts blowing in my face. Ahhhhh cherry lifesavers have never smelled so good. I continue the hand under my nose position. The doctor comes in, checks B’s incision, and gives us his instructions which include returning in two weeks. I try not to knock the doctor over on my way out. We check out with the receptionist and go back in the waiting room. Smelly perfume lady is gone but her perfume remains just as strong, just as smelly. Holding my breath I race to the door and into the hallway. I grab B and say that smell is still in there…what if its still there in two weeks??? Does anyone know where I can buy a cheap gas mask and a sign for the door that says “For the love of God No one is permitted to wear smelly old lady perfume EVER”.

Love, Laugh, and Always know where the nearest bathroom is
(and pray that smelly perfume lady hasn’t already been there)